Remembering the dead

Tagoloan town Catholic cemetery. Photo by Jong Cass

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

WHEN November comes around, my mind usually wanders back to my home country of the Philippines where we observe the annual All Saints Day and All Souls Day.

It is that time of the year when most people in the cities and provinces would go home to visit the graves of their departed loved ones. 

Over the years, it has become some kind of a family affair, a time off from our busy lives to remember our dearly departed.

Growing up in Tagoloan town in Misamis Oriental, northern Mindanao in the Philippines, I look forward to “Kalag-Kalag”  because that’s when we have food like adobo (meat stew), fried chicken,  puto (rice cake),  biko (sweetened sticky rice) or sotanghon (rice noodles) and visitors either in the house or new relatives that you don’t know then meet at the cemetery. 

It’s also the time when we gather flowers and ferns when they are abundant then make a wreath or arrange for the grave.

Prayer leader
Candles come in sizes and colors. I don’t’ know if the size of the candles has something to do with the sins or imperfections of the dead. I have no idea then that time.

During those times since my paternal grandmother Consolacion Barros was buried at Sta. Ana,Tagoloan town, the family decided to pay respects to her grave. 

Then other dead relatives would have one candle each. I recall passenger jeepneys are always full that we end up walking to Sta. Ana and then walking all the way home. 

Whenever we visit the cemetery at Sta. Ana, we recite the prayer of the dead with whoever is the prayer leader. Good for us that my aunt Julia Naelga Laluna was the prayer leader.

It is hard to find prayer leaders around this time since everyone is in need of one. This kind of work is hard because it requires a lot of kneeling and memorizing. 

Litany
I think the popular prayer leaders in Tagoloan town as far as I can remember are “Iya Tida” which I think she passed on to Nang Sima, Lola Eging Ejem-Casino, Betty Sanches and Nang Aldie Mariano. 

Of the new generation, we have the sister of Femia Dalapag and more, whose names I’m not familiar with.

Whenever I’m at the cemetery I look at the tombstones (lapida). At Sta.Ana, I see the last names as Naelga, Adis, Neri, dela Rosa, Emata, Ragandang, Ellos, Escabarte and so many others. 

Then I would usually make a quick estimate of their ages and compare it from one tomb to another. 

After a long litany of prayers via the rosary and the long lists of the dead we end up stopping by the house of Tiay Norma Naelga Adis where we ate “biko” or drink “botong” (coconut water) then it would be a long talk with the relatives. 

Full moon
The visit would be over usually at or before 3 pm, then we leave and make our way to Mojon,Tagoloan where we met other relatives also walking towards Sta.Ana.

Back then, it would be a mortal sin if we don’t pass by the house of the brother of my paternal grandfather Ignacio Naelga.  We would then eat another round of biko and adobo until my tummy hurts. 

Usually it is my aunt Vicky Pagsuguiron who would be the center of attention as 
she was the first teacher of the Naelga clan and I was just the buddy. But I think that moment made me realize how important it is to have a degree. 

That was the time when I think I was in Grade 5. From Mojon we walked to Tagoloan proper and we would be lucky if it’s a full moon. It’s good to ask by that time then since there are no jeepneys. 

By the time you walk you don’t have to worry about being hit with a face full of dust.  The following day, All Souls Day, would be devoted for the souls of loved ones buried at Tagoloan cemetery. 

Gap
This is the time when you met a lot of relatives introduced by relatives that you have to take their hands and say “amen” to show respect and be blessed. These greetings seem endless.

Prayers would be long and I think it’s the time when the person leading the nine day novena would have a lot of work to do. I wondered before if the prayers went on too long that the list of the dead loved ones were long too. 

That time I was already surprised why biko, Royal True Orange (orange soda) and egg and sometimes Fighter Wine are placed on top of the grave . I also wondered who gets to eat the food. 

I knew somebody would because the Fighter Wine is gone the following day. There’s still so much to tell during All Souls Day and All Saints Day. But one thing is sure, all those buried in the cemetery are dead. 

Through the years I’ve realized also that even in death there is still that gap between the rich and the poor. 

The rich have big lots and big roofs while those who couldn’t afford get some space to bury their dead six feet below the ground. But all of them are dead, rotting inside their tombs with just skulls and bones as a reminder of their existence.

Remembering these makes me realize how short our lives are here on Earth. It is as short as the dash placed in between the dates of birth and dates of death.

Photo by Sueng Caballero

(Susan Palmes-Dennis is a veteran journalist from Cagayan de Oro City, Misamis Oriental, Northern Mindanao in the Philippines who worked as a nanny and is now employed as a sub-teacher and a part-time teacher assistant in one of the school systems in the Carolinas.
Read her blogs on susanpalmesstraightfrom the Carolinas.com and at http://www.blogher.com/myprofile/spdennis54. These and other articles also appear at http://www.sunstar.com.ph/author/2582/susan-palmes-dennis.
You can also connect with her through her Pinterest account at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/41025046580074350/) and https://www.facebook.com/pages/Straight-from-the-Carolinas-/494156950678063)