Reaching out to the poor in spirit

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

It was quite a touching graduation ceremony for those who attended a workshop on dealing with trauma through visual story telling at the House of ope in Sitio Palalan, Barangay Lumbia, Cagayan de Oro City last Friday, Sept. 21.

Sponsored by the National  Commission for  Culture and the Arts, I say it was touching because it hits close to home in terms of dealing with the personal demons in our lives. 

There will be times when we feel so low and rejected by society and the hurt is multiplied when the source of that rejection comes from our own family. It is a terrifying emotional storm to be caught up in. 

I was invited to the workshop by people I respect and maintain friendships with through the years--Lina Sagaral Reyes and Patrick Uyguanco, one of the exhibitors and lecturers in the workshop.

There were 20 residents at the House of Hope based my count. I attended the afternoon session and the participants were with facilitators and staff outside the hall as they gathered in a circle.

I learned that the garden represented Mandala and there was an inner circle that according to nurse Ramon Tan represented the inner self. The participants placed some items like grass in one of the squares in the circle.

But first some background. The House of Hope is composed of the Missionary Congregation of Mary (MCM) who administers the foundation upon invitation of  Archbishop Jesus Tuquib in 1997.

It is a charitable institution established to shelter mentally ill patients, a custodial psychiatric care facility owned by the Cagayan de Oro Archdiocese.

The workshops ran for a week. I admit that I attended only half day sessions but I believed that it brought out the best from all those who attended it. At the end of the sessions, the graduates sat on white plastic chairs facing the facilitators.

Their expectations for the seminar were read  to them as a refresher of what they learned and some of them were glad to attend these sessions even if they got tired at the end of the day. 

I was touched by what the participants said and I shared the joy of the staff and nurses who listened to their answers. One of the nurses, Wendilou A. Ruiz Malan, said the participants were 

Wendilou A Ruiz Malan one of the nurses said that the residents participants were,” super-responsive and interacted well with others.” Another nurse named Ramon Tan Jr. said he is happy seeing how the participants responded well with each other.

He also hoped that the participants will eventually be reintegrated back to mainstream society. There are 51 residents along with staffs and nurses from the Department of Health (DOH).

There are also two psychiatrists on call. Tan said the residents are manageable so far. My visit won't be complete without the exhibits of artists of Cagayan de Oro who told their own tales of sorrow of people who suffered mental anguish.

Two of my favorite photos are from Patrick Gabutina. The first photo was in black and white and showed a short haired, uncombed woman staring blankly ahead. 

I wondered if the photo told us that people with mental illness feel an inconsolable emptiness inside them.

Another photo by Gabutina showed what looked like a locked cell with no one inside. It carried the caption “Asa mo? (where are you)” and I can only guess that it spoke of a mentally ill person's desperate search for his/her loved ones.

My heart goes out to the participants, to the families and their friends. Thank you Lina and to the sisters and staff, please take care of them (For comments, questions and analysis email me at susanap.dennis@yahoo.com).

A thank you note for those who took care of me

Me and my growing hairline

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

Charlotte, North Carolina--Today ,I am going to ring the victory bell at the Novant Oncology Department at Huntersville, North Carolina since it is the last day of my radiation treatment.  

I was diagnosed with stage 111-A invasive high grade breast cancer in September last year and the cancer reached my lymph nodes. My road to recovery required 16 rounds of chemotherapy and 33 rounds of radiation treatment after lumpectomy.  

I am blessed to have such an excellent medical resource center close to where we live. This is a thank you moment for the doctors, nurses, radiation therapists and the staffers of Novant Health Huntersville Medical Center.

It’s always a joy to see friendly and supportive staff since it lightens the already serious condition of the illness itself as well as the outlook of the patients.
  
When my name is called I have to get inside and proceed to the changing area to wear the lab gown and leave my things in the locker. Then I would be seated at the waiting area filled with magazines like “People” and medical publications on cancer cases.

When my name is called again I walk with my head down. That was the first few days.  If it was a classroom setting I had been a dutiful student for the first two weeks. 

I keep my head down as  I am greeted with cheerful smiles from therapists like Erin Boggs, Brent Woodall or Josh Gardner  

The empathy and compassion is crystal clear from these people. I can feel it. 

Their patience is the badge they wear and trust is established without having to ask for it. These wonderful people made my journey bearable with no qualms.   

I met Erin Boggs in the first two weeks before the radiation treatment. 

She and Dr. Kevin Roof handled the placing of “tattoos’ or in their parlance “markings “ as well as blue colored stickers and transparent stickers with black markings on designated areas in my left breast.  

I immediately hooked up with Erin by answering questions from her and me telling her about my story. There  is something in Ms. Erin that made me trust and relax for my treatments. 

As you can see the markings were done a month after the lumpectomy. I was still sore and maybe tired so I needed some assurance and it came from Erin. In the course of our conversation I learned she had close to 15 years experience in radiation therapy.  

Boggs's smile is just infectious as she detailed to me the process when the actual radiation would start. It also helps that like me, she is a big Dukes fan while Dr. Roof is a Carolina diehard fan. 

And true enough when the first day of radiation came and went I was surprised that there was no pain while I laid on the linear accelerator. 

Brent and Josh were both good looking and tender. It was Josh who oriented me on what to do before and after the treatment which in my case was 33 rounds or five to six times a week.

My first entry to the radiation treatment room I didn't  look around for fear of the unknown but I adjusted soon after. They are really very good to their patients. 

Brent is kind and soft spoken like Dr. Roof. I heard he was in vacation in Ireland just recently. Brent sometimes would team up with Erin or Josh. When Erin was not around it was Brent and Josh who took care of me. 

I really have no idea who operates the machine because after I lay down on the linear accelerators I closed my eyes. Most of the time I knew my body was moved by them pulling the sheet on me. 

At times I want to help by moving but anyway they are just doing their job. 

There are longer days when they do re-markings and I always heard numbers. 

It dawned on me that for radiation treatment to be effective, it needed precise measurements. 

Erin said re-markings are done for this purpose. After learning about it I became more relaxed and trusted them to do their job. 

During the course of our conversations, Brent and Erin wanted to learn some Tagalog words since Tagalog is the Philippine national language. 

I taught them “Mabuhay” which means welcome and now everytime I am seated at the waiting area they would say “mabuhay.”  I then added other words like “marunong (knowledgeable) ” and mabuti (good).” 

It’s a fun 10 or 15 minutes of back and forth inside the treatment room. Speaking of which Dr. Kevin Roof is my radiation oncologist. He's very soft-spoken when he explained the treatment plan, why it’s done, the risks and what to expect during the treatment.

I met him every Tuesday except two Tuesdays when he was in vacation. Dr. Brady, who filled in for Dr. Roof , was as nice as Dr. Roof.

I saw Dr. Roof on local TV being interviewed before I started my treatment. 
Our usual preliminaries would consist of “good mornings/good afternoons” and what books I read so far. 

A doctor is great when he or she can explain well to the patient the treatment plan in plain and simple language. 

Also I need to mention radiation nurse Carrie. Oh boy she is nice and caring. She answers my questions, monitors my treatments and help manage the potential side effects of the radiation. 

She taught me how to apply aquaphor twice a day on the affected areas and reminded me not to use lotion, cologne, perfume and deodorant. 

One time I could not eat because it is hard to swallow. Since Dr. Roof was busy with other patients that time, it was nurse Carrie who called my husband Ronnie and instructed where to buy the medicines as she promised. 

She is a nurse's nurse to me. Lest I forget, the admission clerks are nice too. 
Overall, I feel optimistic of what lies ahead as I embark on yet another of my life's journeys.  

When I ring the bell today it would be sideways left to right and I will pull it down to ensure victory. (For more on my journey to recovery, please visit my website). 

Starting on my radiation treatments: The journey to recovery

Me and my husband Ronnie

By Susan Palmes-Dennis

My blog on my ongoing journey to survival and recovery took a backseat for a while following my lumpectomy last April 19.

Everything went well with the procedure done by Dr.Ilan D Avin of Novant Medical Center. Maybe it's because I chose to hibernate after the tumor was taken out from my left breast. 

I started radiation therapy a month after the surgery. In this radiation journey I have another doctor and set of nurses and therapist. I met soft-spoken radiation oncologist Dr. Kevin Roof also of Novant Medical Center here at Huntersville, Charlotte, North Carolina. 

It's different when you set foot in the cancer room- there is something somber about the experience. For survivors, it's yet another test on the body and the spirit. 

Survivors maintain their spirit but how easy is it to lose that grasp, to let one's optimism slip to depression. I met Dr. Roof on May 9 after the interview with the radiation therapy nurse. 

The markings done prior to treatments

Like my surgeon, Dr. Roof examined me thoroughly and explained to my husband Ronnie and I what is radiation treatment, how to go about it and how many rounds it would take on me. 

In my case in which I was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 111 A, I underwent 33 sessions of radiation for five days a week, six weeks and a half. As I said, I began last May 21 and am scheduled to end the sessions on July 6. 

I was scheduled for the first radiation simulation where blue sticker markings were plastered on my left breast and reached as far as the armpit where the cancer metastasis. However a lymph node that positive with cancer  was taken out during surgery.

The final simulation was done on a Friday, May 18. There were a lot of measurements, maybe to make the radiation treatments more precise.  Among other last minute instructions I received from the staff concerned my bathing.

I was advised to let the water run and not rub the areas with the markings and stickers. They recommended that I use Dove soap for my showers. 

On Saturday and Sunday before May 21st, I was anxious and scared a little bit  despite assurances from cancer survivors that the procedure is a piece of cake and there is no pain. 

Thanks by the way to Lois Dennis, Ronnie's sister-in-law of Ronnie and a fellow breast cancer survivor. 

On Monday, May 21, I laid myself on a bed and I placed my left arm above my head like I was about to swim and I turned my head to the right as instructed during the simulation. 

While laid out on the bed, I noticed the center is marked with beams of lights and there is a big machine with external beams. I am not allowed to move. When the nurses have to adjust me they told me not to move and they would move the sheets themselves. 

For 15 minutes, yes it didn't hurt at all except on days when they would re-mark or place new stickers on me. The only thing I noticed is that I am tired after the session but other than that it is much better than the chemotherapy. 

There are only two downsides to the sessions--the daily drive to the hospital and the sun-burnt skin. For the sunburn I have the Aquaphor to rub on my left breast, armpit and the areas where the stickers were placed.   

Actually I’ve been dying to start radiation treatment for a while after the surgery to finally put cancer behind me once and for all. For those who know me and have followed my blog, maybe you can understand my situation.

It had been almost a year since my first diagnosis of metastatic cancer. Did I tell  you that my hair is growing back? Though the hair changed texture but I love it.

And my nails too are not turning black anymore. I will tell you about this in the next blog. In the meantime I thank everyone for all their prayers and wishes.

To be honest  I am sad at times especially now that I am not allowed to expose myself to too much sunlight due to the radiation treatments. But as I tell myself each and everyday in this journey of recovery, I will be okay.

Growing my hair back after chemo

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

Yay, after several weeks and months of chemotherapy I noticed that my hair is growing back.

I had promised myself that I would chronicle my journey to recovery after being diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer and one positive lymph node. My last chemo session was held last Feb. 14.

On Tuesday, April 10, as my husband and I ate at our favorite breakfast diner Showmars, a server named Janet commented: “Oh your hair is growing by bunch.”

And I smiled at her because I know that my hair is growing back and I am excited. It's a small source of happiness to be sure but taking into account everything that happened to me, there had been times when I've been happy, sad and fearful for not having all the answers.

So it was no small joy to see the hair growth at the mirror enlarger or even a simple mirror. I touched the strands of hair on my head and it felt quite itchy as if I had dandruff which I thought impossible since there's no hair for dandruff to thrive in.

I measured my hair growth at one inch by 4-10-18. From the looks of it, my hair may have streaks of gray/white and black. So let’s have a look at the before and after photos of myself during my chemo sessions.


First photo of me is taken two months after chemo.

While the second photo is taken three months after chemo. 

The third photo is with my oncologist. 

I'll update you when my head is covered with new hair.


Even with this development there are still times when I heard that another life was taken away by breast cancer and I am sad. Many are surviving though and I am grateful for them.


And to us who are still here, let’s enjoy life while it is still in our hands and hey, let's enjoy our hair growth. Whatever the color of my hair is, I'm quite excited to see it grow back after six months of losing it due to chemotherapy.


Watch out for the next blog as I will show you what I did to my head after losing my hair in the past seven months. Goodbye for now and have a good day.

Losing, recovering hair after chemo

Checking on my hair 

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

What to do when one's hair grows back after chemotherapy? Before I give you my own tips, a little backgrounder on myself.

I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer and one positive lymph node in September last year. The following month, October 18, I underwent my first chemotherapy session using Doxorubicin which had the trade names of Adriamycin/Rubex.

Before the diagnosis I was already a “hairy” person: hair in my upper and lower lip, sideburns and only legs. Thanks to razors and wax, I dealt with that problem well. 

Two weeks after my first chemo my hair was gone: At first I noticed the loss of pubic hair, then the eyebrows, eyelashes and then my hair.  It was quite dramatic for me.

Everytime I touch my head, I see hair strands on my hands and all over the pillowcase and beddings as well. I was unable to finish the chemo sessions on doctor's orders due to severe neuropathy. The order came down last February 14.  

Then, Lord have mercy, I saw hair all over my face and upper and lower lips when I accidentally happened to notice “something” in my upper lip while using a mirror with enlarger a month after it was stopped. 

I had mixed emotions on seeing this. I was happy that my hair is back after the chemo but I was disgusted and in fact I freaked out when I saw hair on top of my lips. 

I blamed my husband Ronnie for not noticing the hair which also grew on my sideburns. It was not pleasant. I felt like a bearded lady .Que barbaridad! The hair is very light, almost grey/black and white. 

I was not enjoying it at all.  It’s whiter and fuzzier. It's very soft and not thick and looks fresh. I'm growing new hair. So I share with you my tips on keeping out all that unwanted hair.  

1. Don’t freak out, regain your composure. It is  sign that the body is responding by growing more hair to replace those you lost to chemo.

2. Don’t start shaving, waxing and clipping the hair. Instead enjoy the new hair growth. After all you are like a baby with new hair.

3. Google what to do in a situation like this and read all the experiences and opinions of people similarly situated especially closer to your situation.

4. If you're back working consult your oncologist or dermatologist on what  to do instead of ‘doctoring” yourself.

5. If you are working at home and hibernating let the hair grow and record how long it would grow as well as the color and keep that record for future reference.

Other than these, let's be thankful that the hair is back after the harrowing experience of losing it during those chemo days./Susan Palmes-Dennis

My conversations with my breasts

Me at a clinic for my treatments

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

I have this on again, off again conversation with my breast since I was diagnosed with breast cancer in September 14 last year. I don't talk to my breast before as there was nothing to talk about. 

All of a sudden right after the diagnosis I would ask my left breast now why oh why it allowed a cancer cell to develop without warning me.  If only the breast would reply, it would be an easy conversation.

If a woman's breast can talk, what do you think it would say? Maybe it would say “Don’t forget the mammogram, you are overdue for the next mammo ” or maybe take good care of your breast.” Or  some mundane topic like changing the bra, the bra size or the bra color.   

I am reminded of these breast talks since it is Women’s Month this March. Instead of writing about the global “Me Too” movement for women’s rights, I'm thinking about talking that other important reproductive female organ called the breast.

Photo from cpmsurgery.com

Breasts are seldom given importance except when a woman gets sick with breast cancer and it's not even on Women’s Month.  

Breasts, like vaginas, are two of the most popular reproductive organs but there's little discussion about it during this month when it is supposed to be Women's Month.  

Breast Cancer is set aside for October or Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I will be different this time and I'll talk about my breast; my little stories start when I was young until the present when I experience discomfort and pain caused by breast cancer.  

My breast or “totoy” story starts when I was 10 or 11 years old. I haven't heard about the bra and if there were any during my time, my mother couldn't afford to buy me one yet. 

But I am quite sure there was no bra yet at that time unlike these days when there are baby bras already sold in stores since the girls mature fast and develop breasts at nine years old. 

We see many girls with erect nipples even without the mothers doing anything about it. I can only remember wearing “sandos” or undershirts made of “sacks of floor” that were sewn by dress makers.

The cloth gets thin through constant washing and soaking and the material was later used for camesa. Later there were undershirts made of cotton that were sold in department stores. Mine was bought at a store owned by the late Iya Paring Amparo Lee or at the city.

Photo from healthliving.com

When I began to have breasts they were sore and when they finally developed I was so conscious about having protruded nipples that no amount of covering can hide.

It may be the reason why my posture is stooped since I have to hide my breasts frequently especially when I'm not wearing any undershirt.  I didn't like my breast then but when bras were being sold in the market I bought my own and now I don't have to be so conscious since it can hide my breasts from those men with X-ray eyes. 

As every female may have experienced during puberty, the nipples get itchy prior to menstruation resulting to some discomfort. There are times when I feel my breasts getting heavy or I experience a sensation I couldn't understand. Sometimes when I scratch it, the nipples become sore.

Indeed the nipples and the breasts become a discomfort to me. Maybe other women had no problem like mine. As time went by, I felt an uneasiness during mammograms since they were using the old mammogram machines back home in the Philippines. 

When the breasts are pinned down to the plate of the machine there is soreness especially if the technician's hands are heavy. 

While there is little discomfort in the 3D mammogram still there is some discomfort especially on the neck as you turn your face as the technician tells you to in order to hold the breast in place. 

Photo from kansas city obgyn

Maybe to others it is not painful or the pain is just fleeting but to me it hurts. 

When I breastfed my first child, the fluid that came out made my nipples sore. 

When the mother's breast is filled with milk and the baby is not ready to be fed, the feeling of fullness in the breast can be painful to me. 

Thus I don't share the ecstasy that is associated with it. Now that I contracted breast cancer, one could imagine the tests that I underwent. Whether touched by human hands or examined under a machine, for me the embarrassment is gone. 

For me, it's more about that feeling of “damn you breast. What have you done to me?.” I don't know about the others but for me, it's normal to have these conversations with my breasts because of what I am experiencing right now.  

Maybe organizers of Women’s Month activities should include women’s health in issues tackled during the month long observance in March so it would be a holistic and more well-rounded discussion on women's well being.

Grandson Sam graduates from K-12

Christian 'Sam' Palmes Mejorada graduates on Thursday this week

by Susan Palmes-Dennis

My first grandson Christian Palmes Mejorada will graduate at the top 10 of his class at St. Mary's Academy in Tagoloan town, Misamis Oriental in northern Mindanao, Philippines on Thursday this week. 

Christian ranked eighth in a class of 60 students who are the first graduates of the K-12 program introduced two years ago by the government. 

Christian or Sam as he is known to family and close friends is the class president for years now but his classmates call him “Mayor” maybe because it sounds like his last name “Mejor” as in Mejorada. 

He is a Mass reader and I am proud of him whenever I see him in his long white sleeved polo shirt holding the Bible and marching ahead of the priest. Sam is a fan of the popular “Aldub” love team of Alden Richards and Maine Mendoza.

Sam is also a technology enthusiast. Here are excerpts from his blog detailing his love for cell phones: 

“I really love those phones who give the best particularly when it comes to photography. Two phones that I like and of couse I would love to have to is Oppo and IPhone.”

“As I heard from their very own users, it is really satisfying. They give the quality and features that users would like and love to have to. But even though the said phones may be as high-technology as they are, still I’m satisfied and I am proud to say that I LOVE my PHONE! It may not be the same level like that very high-technology phones, but still there are qualities and features that other phones doesn’t have features and qualities that my phone has. “

Sam also has his disappointments and one of them was the news that his favorite group One Direction disbanded. Despite this he stills listens to their songs. 

He prefers love songs and loves listening to Visayan love songs which made me say that he is his father’s son. His father Joseph “Bading” Mejorada is true to his Bol-Aon roots as he loves listening to Visayan songs. 

Sam's favorite colors are blue and white which he said is inspired by the character Amihan in the TV series Encantadia. He loves sports especially swimming, badminton and volleyball. 

Sam also treasures his guitar. Born on April 10, 2006, Sam acts as the “kuya” or brother to his cousins Susanne Lorette Palmes, Arianne Jaden Baesas and Jacob Boddison. Again, congratualtions Sam and you know your family and I love you always.

Sam with his parents